He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
