a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
