he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
