whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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