She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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