While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
