I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
