The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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