is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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