My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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