I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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