Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
