If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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