Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
