I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
now i know why i became what i already was.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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