so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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