My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
