the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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