Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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