I must be too annoying 4 u.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
