Me too!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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