If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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