dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
