and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
