My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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