Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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