My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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