its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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