I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
