She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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