Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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