and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
