nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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