Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
