Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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