Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
