So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
