So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
