this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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