Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
