FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
