Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
