Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
