i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
