That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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