Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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