Define "chronic" masturbator.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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