# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Randomize
