Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
