CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
