I want to have your abortion
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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