I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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