I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
