I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
