It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
