Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
